


time and time again

by ell (amywaited)



Category: Marvel
Genre: Cute, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Healing, M/M, let them be happy, they deserve to be happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 15:28:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16956597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amywaited/pseuds/ell
Summary: nat finds himshe'll always find him





	time and time again

**Author's Note:**

> enjoy!
> 
> headsup- italicised words is spoken in RUSSIAN mostly because i dont speak russian, and google translate is terrible at best.

Nat is the one who finds him. She’ll always find him, that’s what she promised him back fifty years ago, when she was in training and he always watching her. That’s what she promised him when they kissed, and she whispered it into his lips, painted it into his skin, and hid it from their handlers.

The ballerinas weren’t supposed to have relationships. Love made you weak.

James made her strong.

That’s why she finds him. 

He doesn’t remember her, of course he doesn’t. Nat doesn’t remember much either, but that’s okay. It was years ago, a lifetime since he’s been himself, a lifetime since she’s seen him. His eyes brush over her dismissively, and disappointment washes through her heart even though she was expecting this. She knew James wouldn’t know her. He barely knows himself.

Nat learnt long ago that her emotions don’t matter, don’t let them affect your job. And this is her job now. She has to keep James safe, keep him away from Rogers, and heal him.

She promised. She doesn’t like to break a promise.

 

* * *

 

James looks not a day older than the last time she saw him, but she supposes she doesn’t either. Maybe it’ll help jog his memory. The only thing that changed is the length of her hair and the hardness of her eyes. He looks the same and she’s not sure if that hurts more.

She takes him to one of her safehouses. It’s out the way, not far from Clint’s place, and no one at SHIELD knows about it, which is a task in and of itself. But it’s safe, and quiet. And she can evacuate to Clint’s farm if she needs to. Which is good. It’s good.

James hasn’t spoken yet, he barely moves. He’s a shell of the man she knew, the man she thought she knew. The old James rarely spoke too, but when he did, she listened. She didn’t have much to say either, and that was fine. Actions speak louder than words, and that was what they did.

 

* * *

 

She comes to the conclusion that she loved him on the third night of staying at her safe house. Natasha hasn’t been allowed love before, hadn’t been allowed it, hadn’t allowed herself it since. The Red Room trained that out of her, because love is a hindrance. But she did. She loved James, and she wants to again.

She’s sitting on the roof. Out here the stars are clear, and pollution isn’t a thing. There aren’t any streetlights, and the night is dark. Her heart is darker, darker than its ever been. Love was trained out of her and she wishes it would stay that way.

Love is messy.

Love is messy.

She repeats it until it sounds funny but she isn’t any closer to believing it.

 

* * *

 

They’ve been trying to contact her, and she knows Tony is close to hacking her radio just to get in contact. He’s probably traced her cell, but it’ll only lead him to the bottom of an ocean. She isn’t sure which one, and she doesn’t care.

She’ll stay here in solidarity, until James tells her otherwise.

She doesn’t need anyone anyway, she’s lived alone for her whole life. James and Clint are the only people who matter.

 

* * *

 

Clint kisses her at noon, on the month anniversary of finding James, and she lets him.

She kisses back.

It’s been a while, but she can love more than one person. She does.

She loves Clint. She knows she loves Clint. And Clint loves her. So she kisses him, and they fall asleep, and the next day they kiss again until Clint spends all his time with her.

 

* * *

 

The day James speaks is the day Tony finds them. He sends Steve and Sam, two of the worst choices. 

Well, the best for her. The worst for James. Nat sends Clint out to talk to them and they start yelling.

She should intervene but James is looking worried. 

“James?” She says, her voice as soft as its always been. She tries English first, then Polish, Spanish, Korean, and finally Russian. She doesn’t know what his brain was last programmed too and he responds to the Russian.

She hasn’t needed to speak Russian in years, but the vowels roll of her tongue like they always did.

“ _ Yes _ ?"

Nat licks her lips. “ _ Do you recognise my voice _ ?”

“ _ Yes _ .”

“ _ Who am I? _ ” She asks. Her heart is in her throat. Clint is yelling at Steve. Things are too loud right now but she’s got this far.

James smiles at her, and he looks the same. He looks like he should be wearing a suit and she a dress, and she’s on his arm sipping wine as dark as blood. A waltz is playing from a string quartet, and there’s blood under his fingernails. An everyday mission, the first where they played a couple. His smile is just as disarming, smooth enough to melt butter. “ _ You’re Natalia _ .”

Natasha doesn’t show emotion. She doesn’t. Her feelings were pulled from her with tweezers years ago. But her throat closes up anyway, and her breath chokes out in an almost sob.

James makes her human. He always did.

“ _ That’s right _ ,” she says, “ _ that’s right. Who are you _ ?”

“ _ James _ ,” he tells her, softly. “ _ And I told you I’d find you _ .”

That makes her laugh, because she found him, but of course he would find her, of course James.

Which is when Steve barges in, and Clint follows after him still yelling.

* * *

 

 

“-Bucky?!”

“Steve, no,” Natasha says, standing up. She was afraid of this, but she’ll protect James with her life. She always will. “He’s not ready.”

“He was here? How long has he been here?” Steve asks.

“A month and a half,” she tells him. “Steve, you need to leave.”

A hand brushes over the small of her back, and James stands next to her.

“ _ Who are these people _ ?” he asks, his Russian still has perfect as it used to be.

God, what does she say, what does she say. “

_ These are friends, sweetheart _ ,” she uses her old pet name for him, “ _ Friends _ .”

“ _ Introduce me! _ ” James encourages, and he smiles, and God, he’s the same as ever, how can she resist?

She has to. It’ll hurt him, and Steve, because James doesn’t remember. “ _ Another time. They were just leaving. _ ”

“ _ A shame, _ ” Bucky says. His hand is still on her back. She nods to Clint. He speaks Russian. He’ll take care of them for her.

“ _ A shame, _ ” she repeats. “ _ Yes _ .”

 

* * *

 

He heals slowly, they both do. Clint kisses her goodnight, because he is the same he’s always been, and he’s good, and she kisses back.

Slowly, James starts kissing her good morning, like he used to. And Clint is fine with it, Clint says she can love him and James, and that he loves James too.

 

* * *

 

Natasha walks into the kitchen one morning to find James kissing Clint over pancakes, and the sun rising behind them. It makes Clint’s hair look pink, and James looks finally at peace.

She thinks she is too. 

She thinks she is too.

**Author's Note:**

> hey! i feel like ive been really sporadically posting recently. sorry!
> 
> the timing for this piece is all over the place, but i kind of like that. its not set in any specific universe but i like it! it feels a little like its pouring out of the seams.
> 
> anyway, please comment if you liked! this is one of my favourite pairings, and theres not much content for it yet. id love to write them again sometime, because this ones kinda vague and not like anything ive really written before.
> 
> anyhow, maybe ill see you next time! ill post something soon xoxo


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